Random Thoughts

It's been forever, I just can't think of things that anyone would possibly want to read ! lol
Christmas was nice - time with family and friends... Blessings and remindes that even though we all have our struggles, we pretty much have it good.

I miss Adam. He's in Arizona, not here, that sucks.

I wish I could spend more time with my family, but work just keeps getting in the way :-)

Count your blessings

I struggle with depression, but try to remember how incredibly blessed I am. I'm working really hard to get my finances straightened out, and to be the responsible adult example for my daughter. And things get me down, being a responsible adult can be difficult! It may take me a few days to remember now and then...but I have it pretty good:

I have a beautiful daughter who is happy and health and full of love and potential
I have family who loves me, and think of me, and want what's best for me,
I have a boyfriend who loves me and supports me and my daughter and treats us both well.
Friends who care about me, and let me care about them.
I have a job - that I actually enjoy, and get paid a decent wage for doing - benefits too
I have a warm place to live
Clothes on my back
Food in my stomach
Love in my heart.

Really - does it get much better than that?

Thank you for being one of my blessings.

Kids are simply amazing

I can't believe how cute kids can be, how amazingly insightful, how stressful, how overwhelming in every sense of the word a child can make your life.

As everything in life, things don't work out as planned with my pregnancy. I was planning on natural child birth (at least that was the plan... I'm not totally blind to the fact that I have no idea, and may have changed my mind at the onset of the worst pain I had experienced in my life.) Things had progressed normally, and I went to my apts like I was supposed to. On the day of my apt exactly one week overdue Feb 20th - they checked things out to come back with this line (I'll never forget it) "I don't think that's a head, that's parts." ..."now we just have to see if they're fingers or toes." Okay so I knew that with every pregnancy there are numerous possibilities for things going well, not right. I knew that babies aren't always in the position they need to be in. However - I had been told for several weeks that she looked good, and was in the right position. Had i not been told that several times, I would have kept that more in my mind. So they do an ultrasound, and yup... pronounced her a footling breech. She was standing upright. Since I was already having small contractions, and already a week overdue, they refused to try to turn her and scheduled us for a C section the next morning.

Surgery went without a hitch, and she was born with no complications. The nurses called her the 'beautiful baby' No joke, I would hear them in the halls asking each other, "have you seen the beautiful baby?" I was so proud. But my beautiful little baby wanted more than that already. People would hold her and tell her she was pretty or beautiful, and she'd cry - unless you added that she was smart too ;-) Gotta love that...

Now that her father and I are divorced, and I don't have her all the time, I realize how strong a parents' love for a child is. I've never experienced an emotion that strong. And there's nothing that matters as much as being able to provide for your child. There's no hope, like the hope that she become a strong, confident, happy, successful adult.

I'm not saying she's not difficult. On the contrary, if she wasn't so dang smart, I might be able to pull one over on her here and there, but you know, it's okay. Don't get me wrong... I'm worried about the future...lol but as long as she has good morals and values, she'll make good choices. I guess that's all I can ask...

A little cheese with my whine

OK, so I just have to whine a lil' and I'll get on with it.

What's the deal with trying to get back on track with bills that continually go up, but your pay doesn't? I'm not saying that the 'situation" I'm in is any one's fault but my own, but dang! I guess that's what you get when you make decisions, you know are not good ones, but do it anyway. I have so many bills that are just bombarding me from every side! and absolutely no easy way out! I'm not all about the easy way, but wouldn't it be well.. easier? lol

So enough about money... I try to remember that I have many many blessings, and that there are many who don't have it as good as I do. I have a good job, with good benefits; an amazing little girl who is intelligent, beautiful, and has her health; a boyfriend who loves me and supports me and my daughter; family that can't be beat (even though they decide to leave the state and not tell anyone....) and friends like no other! Who could ask for anything more than that?

I guess when it all comes down to it, I should just take Aurora's advice: "Don't worry about a thing mom, you're a Comcast customer!"

To comfort in time of loss...

I have a very good friend who lost someone dear to her. I just want to say, I know this is not the end for him, or you. I know as sure as I know anything that you will see him again.

Love ya...


To Those I Love and Those Who Love Me

When I am gone release me, let me go -
I have so many things to see and do.
You musn't tie yourself to me with tears
Be thankful for our many beautiful years.

I gave you my love, you can only guess
How much you gave to me in happiness.
I thank you for the love you each have shown
But now it's time I traveled on alone.

So grieve awhile for me if grieve you must
Then let your grief be comforted by trust.
It's only for awhile that we must part
So bless the memories within your heart.

I won't be faraway, for life goes onSo if you need me, call and I will come.
Though you can't see or touch me, I'll be near
And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear
All of my love around you soft and clear.

And then, when you must come this way alone,
I'll great you with a smile, and "Welcome Home".

We may be different, but we love each other.

My brothers came over last night for dinner and a movie. I have to say, we may be different people, but there's no denying we all love each other. We had lets say tumultuous childhoods, and even though we get on each others nerves now and then, we're all pretty close. I would never doubt for a second that if one of us was in trouble, the others would be there.

There were four of us growing up. (I found the rest of my siblings after high school graduation - story for another blog.) The big kids and the little kids. Donna & Eric and Cindy & Adam. (Let me be perfectly clear, I love all my siblings, but you know how you have more vivid memories than others...)

I don't remember 'playing' with the big kids very often, but I remember playing with Adam for countless hours. Flooding the sandbox to play cars (even though we got in trouble every time), playing school (poor thing, I always wanted to play teacher...), barbies (made him play that too), tv tag, freeze tag, water fight (wich I was always a big baby about), on the swing set, and oh you name it...

We took care of each other, that's just the way it was. We fought and played together, got in trouble together, had the chicken pox, the flu, colds, (and worked our parents) all together. I can remember staying home from school the week we got chicken pox. We dressed up in our halloween costumes, I was Minnie Mouse, he was (Superman, I think... or was it Pee Wee Herman? I can't remember). Even when we started getting older, we always looked out for each other - even when we didn't particularlily like each other.... When I was a Senior in Highschool, Adam was a freshman, and way more popular than I. He was going to homecoming or prom, or something like that, and asked me if I was going, I said 'no' of course not (I didn't date at all). He's so sweet, he offered to tell his date that he couldn't go, and go with me, so I could, and wouldn't have to go alone... made me cry of course, but i told him to go with his date.

Man I love him.

At the Beginning

At the beginning? I was friggin cute! (ok, not yet, but soon) Check this out... I still have that Bambie blanket. Can you read that shirt? "CAUTION - may be wet at both ends" and don't I look just thrilled?! and already with having to roll the pants up?!

15 months... and the red cheeks.

I must have raised my eyebrows when mom cut my hair. She measured where to cut by putting the scissors against my head at my eyebrows, and everytime... they were cold, and oh my gosh! and up the eyebrows went, and so did the end of my bangs.... everytime...

Shy, but definately going to be a charmer!

For some reason I love this picture...

This is my kindergarten picture. Love this one too... people used to say I looked like Shirley Temple with those blond curls, and blue eyes...

I think this is 2nd grade

and this is 3rd.

An average Day

An average day in our life starts at 6 am (Ralph has already been up for at least an hour). We shower, get dressed, grab what we need for the day (or mostly, we usually forget something or another), and are out the door by 7:15.
Off to Aunt Donnas, drop Aurora off, and then to work. Usually a phone call at some point from Aurora, today it was "I was carrying the piano bench and accidently dropped it on my toe". (Of course it took me several minutes to figure out that's what she was saying through the sobbing.) She goes to afternoon Kindergarten in Lacey, and I pick her up after work.
We make it home around 6:30, make dinner, eat, watch a show or read a book, pick out clothes for the next day, get in jammies and she's in bed by 8. I'm not usually too far behind her though... seems like the older I get the later 9pm gets!
And we start it all over again the next day. When is there time to clean up and enjoy? and play? and ready? and knit? and just breathe! seems like it never stops...

Be patient - I'm new at this...

So my sister and some of my friends are all about the blog - And I have to admit, I like reading about what's going on and seeing some of the pictures that otherwise, you really wouldn't get to see. So I decided I'd give it a shot.