It's been forever, I just can't think of things that anyone would possibly want to read ! lol Christmas was nice - time with family and friends... Blessings and remindes that even though we all have our struggles, we pretty much have it good.
I miss Adam. He's in Arizona, not here, that sucks.
I wish I could spend more time with my family, but work just keeps getting in the way :-)
I struggle with depression, but try to remember how incredibly blessed I am. I'm working really hard to get my finances straightened out, and to be the responsible adult example for my daughter. And things get me down, being a responsible adult can be difficult! It may take me a few days to remember now and then...but I have it pretty good:
I have a beautiful daughter who is happy and health and full of love and potential I have family who loves me, and think of me, and want what's best for me, I have a boyfriend who loves me and supports me and my daughter and treats us both well. Friends who care about me, and let me care about them. I have a job - that I actually enjoy, and get paid a decent wage for doing - benefits too I have a warm place to live Clothes on my back Food in my stomach Love in my heart.
I can't believe how cute kids can be, how amazingly insightful, how stressful, how overwhelming in every sense of the word a child can make your life.
As everything in life, things don't work out as planned with my pregnancy. I was planning on natural child birth (at least that was the plan... I'm not totally blind to the fact that I have no idea, and may have changed my mind at the onset of the worst pain I had experienced in my life.) Things had progressed normally, and I went to my apts like I was supposed to. On the day of my apt exactly one week overdue Feb 20th - they checked things out to come back with this line (I'll never forget it) "I don't think that's a head, that's parts." ..."now we just have to see if they're fingers or toes." Okay so I knew that with every pregnancy there are numerous possibilities for things going well, not right. I knew that babies aren't always in the position they need to be in. However - I had been told for several weeks that she looked good, and was in the right position. Had i not been told that several times, I would have kept that more in my mind. So they do an ultrasound, and yup... pronounced her a footling breech. She was standing upright. Since I was already having small contractions, and already a week overdue, they refused to try to turn her and scheduled us for a C section the next morning.
Surgery went without a hitch, and she was born with no complications. The nurses called her the 'beautiful baby' No joke, I would hear them in the halls asking each other, "have you seen the beautiful baby?" I was so proud. But my beautiful little baby wanted more than that already. People would hold her and tell her she was pretty or beautiful, and she'd cry - unless you added that she was smart too ;-) Gotta love that...
Now that her father and I are divorced, and I don't have her all the time, I realize how strong a parents' love for a child is. I've never experienced an emotion that strong. And there's nothing that matters as much as being able to provide for your child. There's no hope, like the hope that she become a strong, confident, happy, successful adult.
I'm not saying she's not difficult. On the contrary, if she wasn't so dang smart, I might be able to pull one over on her here and there, but you know, it's okay. Don't get me wrong... I'm worried about the future...lol but as long as she has good morals and values, she'll make good choices. I guess that's all I can ask...
OK, so I just have to whine a lil' and I'll get on with it.
What's the deal with trying to get back on track with bills that continually go up, but your pay doesn't? I'm not saying that the 'situation" I'm in is any one's fault but my own, but dang! I guess that's what you get when you make decisions, you know are not good ones, but do it anyway. I have so many bills that are just bombarding me from every side! and absolutely no easy way out! I'm not all about the easy way, but wouldn't it be well.. easier? lol
So enough about money... I try to remember that I have many many blessings, and that there are many who don't have it as good as I do. I have a good job, with good benefits; an amazing little girl who is intelligent, beautiful, and has her health; a boyfriend who loves me and supports me and my daughter; family that can't be beat (even though they decide to leave the state and not tell anyone....) and friends like no other! Who could ask for anything more than that?
I guess when it all comes down to it, I should just take Aurora's advice: "Don't worry about a thing mom, you're a Comcast customer!"
I have a very good friend who lost someone dear to her. I just want to say, I know this is not the end for him, or you. I know as sure as I know anything that you will see him again.
To Those I Love and Those Who Love Me
When I am gone release me, let me go - I have so many things to see and do. You musn't tie yourself to me with tears Be thankful for our many beautiful years.
I gave you my love, you can only guess How much you gave to me in happiness. I thank you for the love you each have shown But now it's time I traveled on alone.
So grieve awhile for me if grieve you must Then let your grief be comforted by trust. It's only for awhile that we must part So bless the memories within your heart.
I won't be faraway, for life goes onSo if you need me, call and I will come. Though you can't see or touch me, I'll be near And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear All of my love around you soft and clear.
And then, when you must come this way alone, I'll great you with a smile, and "Welcome Home".
I'm a mother of a 5 yr old, geeze, can it be that long already?! She's mostly sweet, with a little rascal jumping out (way more often than I'd like)- but hey, I love her....She loves horses, and puppies and sparkles, and butteflies and..... and... on and on.
We live with Ralph (my bf) in Tumwater, and enjoy our time together at dinner, and on our little adventures...